there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
