I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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