Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
