Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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