As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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