He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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