maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
