I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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