NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
