How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
