Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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