I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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