Swine flu. Run for my life!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
