My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
