Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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