if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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