so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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