Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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