He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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