I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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