I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
