Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
