I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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