god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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