apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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