If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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