best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
