im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
