she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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