11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
