I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My bed smells like the plague
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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