dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
