I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
this is an emotional support booty call
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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