I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
