we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
