remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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