So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
