I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
