Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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