how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
