Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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