idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
