I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
