im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
