If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
