Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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