His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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