He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
