dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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