youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My vagina is officially offended.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
