Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize