So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
