She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
