oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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