I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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