the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What a fucking waste of an outfit
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
